Our own sense of value and esteem has been a work in progress since the days in the womb. The energetic influence of the moments of living and the players involved have combined to establish a sense of self. We see ourselves as we have learned to do. Likely it is not accurate at all. But it is a benchmark upon which we can move forward and inward.
When we hold a diminished view of our self, devaluing our capacities and lovability, we set the stage for potential disasters. We are taught to seek relationship for the purpose of making ourselves whole. Finding our soul mate is a billion dollar business. Thus we put so much emphasis on a relationship working. Yet, too often we attract potential partners at the vibrational level of where we are.
The connection is a higher self directed meeting that brings us the best opportunity to see ourselves more clearly. We are taught, however, to put a lot of stock in the success of the relationship, often at the expense of the very things that truly honor and take care of us.
Society perpetuates relationship stereotypes…”Can’t live if living is without you”. Relationships become personal investments that are akin to possessions. Our well being aligns with not only how they treat us but also how we think we are being treated. Often these are in conflict. The relationship builds a dynamic that defines it and makes it comfortable. Anything that sways out of the routine becomes a threat.
The pressure to make the relationship work, along with the stress for each to be everything for the other often leads to chaos. The chaos is the inner attempt to shift the energy, let go of the patterns to allow a new frequency to take hold. Too often these are interpreted as threats and the old wounded self gets activated.
A Common way for relationships to divert is through infidelity. Though clandestine for a while, the likelihood of discovery is high because, in some ways, the point of the infidelity is to stir the pot to shift it to something better. More frequently the partner who is being betrayed is activated and overcome with the sweeping energies of jealousy.
Let the games begin. Jealousy is like anger in that it is swiftly moving and often aggressive and pointed and blinding. The injured party seeks to take action and punish. It is ugly. You can see how it is fueled by the past woundings and the ignorings and the disappointments and the failures….
There is anger and fear embedded in jealousy. Personal boundaries have been impacted. One’s sense of self has been compromised and a host of fill in responses are rushing to shore up the walls.
The task before you is to accept the feelings and allow the flow of the energetic responses while choosing to hold back from rushing out to attack the source or the self. Information is a key element as one must gather the facts about what is really going on, getting the bigger picture that often has relevant perspectives not considered in the initial outburst. Often the perception of the feeling is accurate but it places one in a difficult place that can threaten the relationship or one’s personal integrity. Allowing the movement and expression of jealousy is actually a way to consciously clear old wounds and perspectives. It must be done with clarity and a deeper sense of courage. Ideally two who are capable of communicating is best. Share and listen, listen and share…
To discern between legitimate relationship threats and the rise of one’s insecurity and sense of unworthiness in the relationship is what is required here.
Channel the energy of jealousy out of you and into your boundary. This is useful to allow you a sense of protected space and it diminishes the likely surge of anger. From here you can then access the fear based elements and discern their source and move into resolution. This action strengthens you and opens the door for more powerful communication. Look for other times of betrayal that may be feeding this one. Notice how it leaves you feeling. Discern what must be healed within you. Share this with your partner.
Likely this kind of transparency will help both of you as the perpetrator is quite possibly dealing with similar esteem issues. Healing can happen in a moment if allowed.
Repressing the feeling energy, as we have seen, is just an invitation to the blues.
So, be consciously aware of the movement of the feeling from start to finish. There is a lot of information riding the wave of the first expressions. Access it and use the event to make significant inner changes that bring you to a clearer place. In and through is the formula for dealing with this and any other strong emotion. Apply it and grow the capacity to be fully present and alive…and fun to be around.